I’d love to, but…
A few weeks ago, my husband and son were on their own while I was off working on one of my many projects. Often times the lad likes to help my husband cook, but lately, he’s been really into doing puzzles on his own. He was about halfway through putting one together when his father asked him if he’d like to help with dinner. He serenely replied,
“I’d love to, Dadda, but I’m simply not available right now.”
At that very moment, I was up to my neck in three major projects that had somehow all come to a head at once. One was a major annual project for work that seems to get a little bit bigger every year, one was the major fundraising project for the lad’s school that I had somehow found myself on the committee for, and one was a theater project for my college mentor. On top of all this, it was the middle of April which is when things are (or should be) really picking up on even the smallest homestead. With each passing day, I was finding myself more and more overwhelmed trying to keep all of the balls in the air.
So I was in awe when my husband relayed my four- year- old’s wonderfully appropriate response that night. “I would love to, but I’m simply not available right now.”
How often do we let ourselves say that? Obviously, there are times we simply can’t. My work project was non-negotiable, but then again I am the one that tries to make it bigger and better each year. My involvement with the fundraiser for my son’s school stemmed from a sense of obligation and some bizarre notion that any refusal on my part would somehow reflect poorly on him. The final project, and the one I was working on that particular night, truly was a labor of love, but I was so overextended I wasn’t enjoying the process as much as I could have.
Thanks to my amazingly supportive family, I managed to pull it all off successfully. Though I never want to overwhelm myself like that again, I did get a lot out of each endeavor. Obviously, the work project provided the money that keeps my family afloat; the fundraiser helped me make some connections in my new community, but it was the third project that really opened my eyes on a few matters.
After many years away, from the school and from the stage, I got to work with people so very dear to me on the art we all love. I got to challenge myself and my craft. I got to pour my heart into something intense and ephemeral. When we were celebrating together after the event, I had a moment of realizing how completely nourished my soul felt for the first time in a while.
We underestimate how important it is to do what feeds our soul. With so many obligations, so many people we want to please, it gets too easy to pass up on what fulfills us. Whether it’s perfecting our craft, working in our garden, hiking in nature, or simply getting lost in conversation with a friend, what feeds our souls is what makes us who we are. It is also what makes us able to go back out into the world and do our best.
Somehow my beautiful, wonderful 4-year-old has already mastered a skill that I am still struggling with. There will always be overlap in the many things we have to do and want to do, but, when possible, we need to choose what fulfills us the most. For the rest, we need to simply allow ourselves to say, “I’d love to, but I’m simply not available right now.”