Floating through the fog.

Posted On September 16, 2021

Brain fog was a real battle yesterday with the storm rolling in. I needed to save what little brain power I had for teaching homeschool so I allowed myself to just veg out in my usual writing chair yesterday morning. My cat sat and stared at me for a full five minutes before realizing that she was not going to have to share my lap with a computer and completely embracing her bliss. I had illusions of maybe fighting through the fog with enough caffeine and writing later in the day but opted to nap with the 6 year old when he requested it. 

Having fibromyalgia isn’t something I talk about a lot because A) I feel like it’s pretty much a fancy word for “yes you have pain and we don’t know why” and B) I don’t have it anywhere near as bad as many of my friends and family who deal with chronic pain.  I have a few triggers that are fairly predictable (dairy being the number one culprit) and the rest of the time I feel good enough to function until I over do it or a storm rolls in. This generally allows me to convince myself that maybe it’s all better (and usually try to eat dairy again) and then I get really pissed/depressed when a flare hits. 

So what does a flare feel like? Well, sometimes it feels like you’re coming down with the flu (yeah, that’s been real fun since COVID), sometimes it just feels like gravity has increase 10% including, somehow, in your brain, and sometimes it feels like a full body migraine and it absolutely hurts to breathe.  I count myself very lucky that that last one is a rare kind for me and can usually be linked to foolhardy pizza or ice cream consumption.

Physically, I always try to keep myself moving since doing gentle yoga or walking really helps in my case. I’ve never really found a way to deal with the brain fog since my careers have always depended on mentally keeping so many balls in the air at once.

Yesterday was the first time that I didn’t have to fight my way through the fog. I honestly don’t have words to describe the difference it made. Seriously, I just tried about a dozen different sentences here. No words.

I had never realized just how much of the fatigue that comes with a flare up is the mental exhaustion and frustration of trying to make your brain do all the things when it just can’t. I found I could function so much better by reducing the stakes, taking one thing at a time, and opting out of the things I didn’t “have to” do in order to rest when I needed to. I actually ended up needing less rest and was able to accomplish more than I usually do during a flare by just easing up on myself. I am so grateful to have that space now and so sad and frustrated for all my loved ones who don’t have that luxury on most days. We all need a better system.

Rest assured that when the fog rolls in again, I have a plan for this blog. I have a bunch of insanely talented friends who are putting incredible things out into the world. I’m going to write a bunch of posts bragging about them and introducing their awesomeness to you. I will try to write these while my brain is functioning so that I can actually come close to doing them justice and then embark on the more difficult task of saving these posts until I need them on the mornings when writing is not an option. Or maybe I’ll just start putting them out there when I get sick of the sound of my own voice. That day is definitely coming.

Here’s hoping you all weathered the storm in safety.