The Dizzying Vista of Change

Posted On August 20, 2021

My six year old hates change. Any talk of different haircuts or even home improvements  make him distinctly nervous. 

I remember pitching an absolute fit about my dad growing a mustache when I was around that age; likely it’s developmentally appropriate.  But somewhere along the lines I left that trait in the dust. 

I dig change. I crave it. Nothing shakes things up like a good transition. Nothing terrifies me more than a rut. Seriously. I will force change if I have to – usually at the worst times. If things are particularly stressful or overwhelming, I’ll rearrange all the furniture  just for the heck of it. 

So maybe that was why, in the midst of the pandemic – and homeschooling, and not knowing – I decided to eliminate any illusion of certainty and quit my job for the organization that I have been working with for 19 years. This is basically the only employer I have had for my entire adult life and I quit! I took the leap back in March and told my boss that I would be leaving at the end of my contract…5 1/2 months away. 

It all seemed very rational and logical, at the time. All the uncertain, anxiety producing, uncontrollable world change made me realize that I had been playing it safe for far too long. Within my organization I had managed to hold at least 7 different positions, some of which I created from scratch, but it was always in the same, safe industry, in the same small district.

I’ve never done some of the things that really piqued my curiosity and made me come alive. Everything happening in my life and in the world felt like a wake up call; A, “Hey, how much time do you really have; get moving!” nudge that felt utterly undeniable. 

But now we’re in that two week window that most people give their employers when they are making the transition. I am officially freaking the heck out.

I feel six again! Suddenly things are different and unpredictable. There is no certainty.  The world is most definitely about to tip off its axis and I am on very uncertain footing. 

And yet. 
Under the panic and disorientation is a deep relief. A sense of walls falling away and that aroma of possibility that always makes change so exciting.  The feeling that suddenly I can see so much farther, out to a horizon of options. There is so much to explore.

There are plans in place. I have not been idle these last 5 months. Quite the opposite. I have a few too many foundations laid and I really need to pick a focus (or two) in order to move forward. It’s been amazing to touch the things that I’ve had in the back of my mind for years and at least move them to the back burner. I get to see what really lights me up and what is simply an enjoyable daydream that is found lacking in the real world. 

This change, my 6 year old definitely digs. It means another year of pandemic homeschooling with mum and we are one of those lucky families whose kid absolutely thrives in this unlikeliest of learning situations. We’ll see if this dream lives us to his expectations.

I will likely write more about these dreams and schemes and their tenuous first steps into reality, but for now suffice it to know that big change is coming – to this blog as well, though I have not fully decided how.  

I’m hopeful that I will be able to bring you along on the journey.